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brokendeliverer
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Name: Jonathan
Birthday: 3/7/1981
Gender: Male
Interests: Missions, Worshipping Jesus, The things of God, travel, running, ice hockey (most sports), the poor, the Kingdom, praying for people, discipleship
Occupation: Missionary/Tax Accountant/Lumb
Message: message me
Member Since:
11/17/2006
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| Hey everyone, sorry it's been months since I've updated. Life is moving along. I feel like this will be a year of transition- and it already has been. I really feel like God is refining me like gold. Just keeps on burning away the dross and stuff to get down to the pure gold. Man, I see so much in the name of Christianity that sickens me and brings me to tears. God continues to show me that He is good. Man fails to represent the true character of God.
For me, Christianity can be boiled down to one thing: if you were naked and beaten and thrown in a dark prison for being a Christian- all alone. Would you praise God then? Would you pray then? Would God be enough then?
God in my living
There in my breathing
God in my waking
God in my sleeping
God in my resting
There in my working
God in my thinking
God in my speaking
Be my everything
Be my everything
Be my everything
Be my everything
God in my hoping
There in my dreaming
God in my wathcing
God in my waiting
God in my laughing
There in my weeping
God in my hurting
God in my healing
Christ in me
Christ in me
Christ in me the hope of glory
You are everything
Christ in me
Christ in me
Christ in me the hope of glory
Be my everything
Acts 17:28: "for in Him we live and move and have our being."
Psalm 109
For the director of music. Of David. A psalm.
1 O God, whom I praise,
do not remain silent,
2 for wicked and deceitful men
have opened their mouths against me;
they have spoken against me with lying tongues.
3 With words of hatred they surround me;
they attack me without cause.
4 In return for my friendship they accuse me,
but I am a man of prayer.
The words "but I am a man of prayer" can be literally translated "I am prayer or I am all prayer" David knew the secret. There is a wonderful book by Gene Edwards called "the Tale of Three Kings" It talks about King Saul, King David and King Absalom. It talks about how David honored Saul because God annointed him king. David never spoke evil of Saul even though Saul tried to kill David many times. Similarly, when Absolom tried to overthrow David and become king, David could have easily stopped the revolt but he didn't. David was full of inner peace. David's walk with God, which began as a young shepherd boy stayed the same even when he was king. No doubt David had his failings, but he pursued God and was a man after God's own heart.
One of the differences between Christianity and every other religion, including Judaism or Islam, is that we are called to love our enemies. When we are so secure in God that we can bless our enemies and those who do us harm, knowing that God is simply in control of our lives. I was listening to a sermon recently on how "love suffers long." As they say in Portuguese, "amor tem dentes" or "love has teeth". Love hurts, it suffers, it is powerful.
If we could only get the revelation that God is in control, that He is enough, that His love is enough. The Christian life is just gradually becoming weaker and weaker in our own strength and more and more dependent and reliant on His strength. Just when we feel at our weakest and about to give up and reach our breaking point- we let go and God comes in and changes things. Our dreams are impossible without God.
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| "But may it never be that I would boast, except in the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ, through which the world has been crucified to me, and I to the world." Galatians 6:14 NASB
Our strength comes from the Cross- it is where we look upon Him who was pierced and whose crimson blood was shed for us, and where we climb up on the same cross and are crucified with Christ. As Dietrich Bonhoeffer said, "When Christ calls a man, He bids him come and die." I heard the statistic that 80% of the problems associated with inner healing have to do with the flesh. You can't heal the flesh, you have to crucify it. The Cross is a powerful thing - it cuts through into the depth of our soul and takes us into His heart. It's like a father who first gets in the pool and then is waiting for the child to jump into his arms in the water. Jesus calls us to this place with Him. I'm realizing that the Cross is not just a one time thing. As Paul says "I die daily." We are to keep coming back and to constantly cling to the Cross - as we die and the nature of Jesus takes over our lives. The Cross is not just some ornament around your neck or something on a church- the message of the Cross is Jesus. We come to the Cross with our brokenness and sickness and sin, and we look up at Him who bore it all- and we leave it all there. The Cross is the place of intimacy, because it was the ultimate expression of love and of obedience.
I've been meditating on the lyrics of "Clinging to the Cross" by Tim Hughes:
"My soul is weak
My heart is numb
I cannot see
But still my hope is found in You
I’ll hold on tightly
You will never let me go
For Jesus, You will never fail
Jesus, You will never fail
Simply to the cross i cling
Letting go of all earthly things
Clinging to the cross
Mercy’s found a way for me
Hope is here as i am free
Jesus, You are all i need
Clinging to the cross
Even darkness is as light to You, my Lord
So light the way and lead me home
To that place where every tear is wiped away
For Jesus, You will never fail
Jesus, You will never fail"
"Know Him, love Him and obey Him."
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| "Thy will be done..."
I think every Christian battles with the question, "what is God's will for my life?"
I met with a pastor a few years ago for a few minutes and after sharing a bit he gave me some suggestions and wrote down on a piece of paper, "discover God's will for your life." I kind of got angry and am still a bit angry at that. I wanted to say to him, "Ok, I'll see you in 50 years after I discover God's will for my life. Thanks for the help." I'm angry in a different way. I'm angry because I wanted a different answer. I'm angry because what he wrote down was brilliant and true and I knew it was right. I wanted an easy answer or to be told what to do or a list of steps and everything laid out for me. No surprises, no failures, etc.
What is God's will? How many times have I picked up a book pretending to answer this question for me, only to be disappointed and left unanswered. I've heard teaching on the perfect will of God and the permissive will of God... I've heard of asking what is God's will in a specific situation. None of this seems to scratch the surface and come close to answering this question.
Well I'm discovering life is a journey. God's will is bigger than we think. God's will is His heart. My translation of "discover God's will for your life" is this:
live each moment of your life for God, with God and in God. you will fail many times- get up again. you will never see perfectly clear- trust the leading of the Spirit. at times you will know you are in My will, at other times you will have no clue. abide. trust. continue. walk through the darkness toward the light.
My struggles do not have to do so much with good and evil, but good and good. Obviously it is God's will that we be saved, to love God, to love others, etc. etc. My difficulty is this: God, do I go to Brazil or to Africa for a missions trip or do I wait? Do I go back to school or take another job? My struggle has to do with choosing 1 good thing or another and wanting to choose the best option.
God did not create us to be robots- but made us in His image, to think, to feel, to create and make decisions on our own. I think the answer in the discovery of God's will has to do with ABIDING. If we abide in Him and He in us we ask what we wish and it will be granted. By this the Father is glorified.
Prayer is key, silence is key, listening is key. The peace that passes all understanding and comprehension shall guard our hearts.
Today I got offered a job opportunity in another department where I work. More money, possibly greater potential, etc. In the natural it seems like a no brainer. But I just didn't feel a peace about it. In fact I felt the opposite. I can't say how many job offers or opportunities have come across my desk. But I've chosen to live my life by the voice of God. I know I am where God wants me to be and that's all that matters. I am accepting the fact that my life ought to look foolish in the eyes of the world.
One of my greatest desires is to be able to trust my heart. To have my heart full of emotion and passion for something that is in line with God's will. If anyone has ever had their heart broken by someone it makes this so difficult. It is difficult to trust your heart if you've been let down before. But I believe God wants this for us, even as we cry out, "create in me a clean heart and renew a steadfast spirit within me."
So to crash land this plane:
Do I have it all figured out? No. But 1 day at a time, one moment at a time, I seek God's kingdom first and His righteousness and everything else flows. It's a life of faith. I'll probably never fully figure out God's will for my life but I can walk in it - one step at a time. Over time I will see another piece of the puzzle and finally I will step back and see the masterpiece called my life that God has painted and proclaim with my Creator - "it is very good!" How do you know when you've done the will of the Father? When you see the Father rejoicing and the Son of God roaring.
Prayer:
God, I just surrender. I give you the keys to my heart. You hold my destiny - unlock it! How I long to be living in your will. Teach me to walk in it. I trust You. Cleanse my heart and renew a steadfast spirit in me, renew a child like spirit in me - full of trust and expectation. Teach me to abide. I desire to please you. Draw me and I will run.
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Sorry it's been awhile since I've written.
Here goes...
How to Stay on Fire
Well here's my dilemna:
I know what my heart's desire is (the mission field) but I'm "stuck" here in America paying off my school loans in the meantime.
I was running tonight and pondering this question in my head as I ran: what can I do to to stay on fire. Almost 4 years ago I met with my YWAM base director after finishing up a 5 and 1/2 month YWAM Discipleship Training School. I had a blast over these 5 and 1/2 months but knew that I would be returning to America as I needed to pay off my school loans. I explained my situation to him- how my heart was for the mission field but I'd have to leave it for who knows how long. The base director said something to me that has stuck with me since. He told me how he himself went home after his YWAM DTS and had to wait 4 years or so. But he told me this gem of advice: "you have to keep this fire inside of you burning."
I love the expression "either you burn up or burn out." So here is Jonathan's list of what to do in the meantime. I have many friends who are in the similar process of waiting to go into the mission field or ministry. But I think this can apply to others as well, at least in some regard.
Anyways, here are my thoughts:
1) Stay involved in foreign countries. I do my best to stay involved in other countries: I try to do a short term missions trip every 6 months if possible or at least once a year; I currently sponsor 3 foreign children through Compassion. I maintain contacts with people I've met overseas (other missionaries and native people as well); Keep on top of world news and events. Learn a language, learn from people of different cultures
2) Stay involved here. It's easy to gripe about the Western Church- Amen! - but God didn't call us to be complainers. Get involved, influence others. Also, learn skills that will be useful on the mission field or wherever you go. The missionary life is just as practical as it is spiritual.
3) Stay in shape. The mission field is physically exhausting and it pays to be in shape. I've also had to literally run through several airports on my way to/from the mission field and being in shape has helped.
4) Stay fed. Here's a secret of mine: I don't get fed from Sunday morning Western church anymore. I'm sorry to say that but I have to be honest. I still go to church (mostly to serve), but I get fed elsewhere - through fellowshipping with others, Bethel church podcasts, cell groups, youtube, other internet stuff, etc. etc. I can explain my strong opinions against the western church at another time. Let's just say Africa changes you.
5) Learn to live with less. Learn to take shorter showers and be frugal in your living. C'mon Ramen noodles. Learn to eat with your hands:)
6) Be a giver. This may seem to contradict #5 but you reap what you sow. I'm not talking about tithing. God is looking for givers, not tithers. The church may want our 10% but God wants all of us- for all of Him! Render to the church what is the church's and to God what is God's. I can talk about tithing or giving forever. Let's just say that I've been set free from the whole tithing thing- and yet now I give more and give joyfully as God leads- not as man dictates. Giving is a kingdom principle - don't let the offensive money- preachers turn you off on this.
7) Bless others. There are alot of people who are where I'd like to be and doing what I'd like to be doing. Instead of being jealous I bless them and sow into their lives. Move in the opposite spirit.
8) Develop your character. Preach the gospel. Use words if necessary. Learn to die to self. It's good preparation for the mission field.
9) Preach the gospel. Develop your sermons, your theology, whatever. It's important to know the Bible and what you believe but more important to have that belief tested by experience. Develop your core messages, what's really important - (not just what sounds good) and what's in your heart and God's heart. Keep it simple. Matthew 10:8 wherever you are. Use and develop your gifts.
10) The best for last: Enjoy God. Simply said. That's what it's all about wherever you are. Rejoice in the Lord always, again I say rejoice. Praise and thanksgiving are amazing weapons God has given us. Especially in difficult situations, we need to praise and give thanks to God.
Every time I meet a missionary that has been on the mission field for at least 4 years I ask them this question: "why didn't you quit within the first 4 years like 80 percent of all missionaries?"
I've gotten amazing responses to this question. I encourage you to ask the same.
Finally, I've learnt to embrace (well, almost) the seasons I'm in. I heard a cool teaching last week how Joseph the dreamer had to have his colored robe dipped in blood before God could use him. Sounds harsh doesn't it? Don't stop dreaming those things/desires God has put into your heart, but realize that there may be a process to prepare you to receive and walk in those things. God prepares us to then raise us up. Think of Moses, who was trained in Pharaohs courts, learning the best leadership teaching possible at the time - only to be used to deliver the Israelites and use that training to lead God's people.
Be blessed;
Jonathan | | |
| I'm convinced that we are all called into the journey of the Promised Land. Not just to enter the Promised Land as if it was all said and done- but to experience the journey. I do believe that life is a journey of entering the eternal Promised Land of Heaven, but I also think that there is a similar journey on a smaller scale of reaching the promised land of our destiny on this earth. The main purpose of this journey to the Promised Land (or wilderness as some call it) is intimacy. It is simply to be with Jesus. Secondly, it is to teach us sole reliance on Him as our source. We must depend on Him for our daily needs and to survive. Thirdly, it is to teach us to rest. I find it interesting that it says in Hebrews 4:11 that we are to be diligent and to strive to enter His rest. It's amazing that we have to work and strive just to enter into the place of rest. I'm conviced that the greatest warfare one can wage is to simply rest. In my life, the greatest test of faith has not been to step out and do something, but to wait and trust. The greatest test of my faith has not been when God spoke cleary but when it was just a whisper and called for a greater trust on my part. The greatest worship on my end has not been when everything was going great but rather when I had little understanding or control of circumstances. Yet I will praise. I feel that to offer up worship despite what we are going through is true worship because it costs us something. Not based solely on feelings but in the truth of who God is and His character. One of my constants of Christianity is that no matter what hell I'm going through or what loss I've suffered, there is always intimacy. I may not even "feel" particulary close to God or very spiritual during a hard time or season - but the Comforter is there. The One who browses among the lilys. Though we feel dark, he calls us lovely. One who is in constant pursuit of our heart. So in conclusion I just felt God say to me today that "the path of the Promised Land is necessary to enter it."
Matthew 5:3 (paraphrased)
Blessed are the desperate for God for they shall be satisfied in what they are truly looking for.
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